Chapter 2: My Story



In the most restful states of my heart, I am with You oh Krishna! Fill me with Your presence.
Smiling as you always do, I am mesmerized by Your presence oh Krishna! Fill me with Your fragrance.
You are naughty and smart, I am enchanted with Your heart oh Krishna! Fill me with Your love.
Escape you shall not nor separate from my being oh Krishna! Unite me with Your being
Oh Krishna! Hare Krishna! Hare Hare.
 
From Lakshmi I have always received unending love, and to Krishn I have always offered all my love. So my circle of love is complete.
Love has always been the most important aspect of my life. It is that which I seek and that which I am, and it is that which is my life purpose. To understand this more clearly it is important to know a soul’s journey. Each one of us has a story which is unique and intriguing. Before I proceed further it is important to narrate mine.

My father’s name was Krishn Kant Dubey. His grandfather, Surya Prasad Dubey, was a Krishn devotee and had built a beautiful Dwarkadheesh temple across his Haveli (mansion) in Kannauj. My grandmother often narrated the story of my father’s birth. She said that the Dwarkadheesh temple bells tolled as he was born the night of Janamashtami (Krishn’s birthday). My mother’s name is Hem – the name of Lakshmi - and she truly has the personality of Maa Lakshmi. In this house of Dwarkadheesh and to these parents I chose to be born. It was in the mid-sixties, on October seventeenth, a week before Diwali, in Kanpur, near the banks of the Ganges that I was born.

We moved to Delhi when I was around three. I never liked wearing dresses. My mother used to put on a frock on me but I used to pull it off and wear my brother’s clothes. She used to get so get upset with me because she wished so much that I would be feminine like her. But I wanted to be like Krishn; in fact, I used to tell her, “I am Krishn!”

I loved carrying a bansuri (flute), like Krishn, and was in love with Krishn ever since I can remember. Once we went to an art exhibition by “Hare Rama Hare Krishn”, in Karol Bagh; I must have been around seven. I went into a trance, transposed, looking at a painting of Gopala stealing butter with the help of his friends. I still remember that painting today, and have a copy of it in my home now.

We lived near Talkatora Gardens in Delhi. Once Satya Sai Baba had come there for an event. My mother took me with her to see him. I remember the masses of people, but nothing of what he said. I saw him sitting on the stage; in fact I kept seeing him sitting on the stage, blessing people by waving his hand, even after people started leaving. My mother pulled me by the hand to go. “But,” I said, “He’s still sitting there on stage. Why are people leaving?” My mother was rather startled and thought I was mistaken. I wasn’t, I could clearly see him there, and how come she couldn’t? I think that was quite enough for her and we were off to home.

This wasn’t the last time I saw Sai Baba when others couldn’t. His presence and miracles continued in my life and still do to this day. That’s why I don’t like to start on this topic, else things start happening, so let’s switch subjects!

In 1975, we left for Zambia, Africa. My father was a surgeon, and very adventurous. He had studied and worked in England before returning to India. He wasn’t really happy in India and wanted to go abroad again. This assignment in Africa seemed very exciting so he took it up. We lived in Lusaka, the capital, for a few years and then my father joined the British Copper Mining company and moved to Luanshya. We had a beautiful house that my mother took good care of, and my parents were very fond of gardening. It was a laid back lifestyle in this small town.

I remember a friend of ours had gone to India and my mother had asked them to get some things from there. One of these was a sandalwood statue of Krishn that my mother was going to gift someone. I fell in love with it the moment I saw it and had to have it, so I took it from my mother’s hands and said it was mine. My mother was good at singing and listened to bhajans often. I used to also listen in her company and especially loved Krishn bhajans. Sometimes I used to close the door of my room, put on my favorite Krishn bhajans, look at Krishnji’s statue, and twirl, and dance in a trance. Once the statue seemed to come alive and I felt it was Sri Krishn himself. I asked him to show me a sign and he did. I was so in love with Krishnji, I felt he was my true companion.

The schools were degrading in Zambia and my parents decided to send me to boarding school in India. In March of 1979 I joined St. Mary’s Convent in Nainital, popularly known as ‘Ramnee’. So we are ‘Ramneeites’. It is located in the beautiful foothills of the Himalayas, established as a ‘hill station’ by the British. The jewel of Nainital is the lake in the valley, with a road around its perimeter and the town extends up on all sides up from the lake. It’s an old school established by British missionary nuns back in 1878. This is an all-girls catholic boarding school and it looks something like Hogwarts from Harry Potter.

My parents had not come to India to drop me off. My father’s elder brother, whom we call ‘Baa’, and my aunt, whom we call, ‘Amma’, are like parents to us. They had lived in Kanpur for a very long time and it has been a base for us as we moved around the world. They had arranged my admission and came to drop me off in Nainital. I was packed a ‘hold-all’, which is like a super-sized sleeping bag, with my bedding; and a trunk with all my uniforms and supplies. I was a very shy child and had become even more of an introvert in Africa. My first day in Ramnee was frightful. Not only was it a new school, but also another country, and another culture.

It was my first night in the dorms. The restrooms were called ‘Maxes’ in Ramnee’s slang. We had to wash up before going to bed. We had a plastic basin we filled with cold water from a common sink, then placed it on the long wooden tables in the washing room. While everyone was busy washing up, I was still trying to figure out how to go about it. I filled some water in the tumbler, then continued to brush my teeth and spat in the basin. When I looked down at the dirty water I realized that I couldn't wash my face! That was my first night, and till today, I follow the same regimen of first washing my face and then brushing my teeth.

The change in the school curriculum was very tough for me. I had not done any Hindi, or Indian history, geography, and so on, for many years coming from Zambia. I remember I started by getting zeros in my Hindi tests. It was rather traumatic being away from my parents, not to mention that my poor mother was dying of anxiety and worry back in Africa. There were no emails, texts, messaging, or even frequent phone calls. They called just once when my mom had a bad dream and booked a trunk call to talk to me. The girls were very friendly, happy and giggly. I seemed to like being back with my own people, in the culture I was born in. In Africa I had faced racism and ridicule being a brown skinned Indian. I had developed a strange English accent in Zambia and the girls used to love hearing it, especially hearing me sing “Saturday Night Fever” songs that were very popular that year. I had no clue about the Indian movies and actors they talked about, nor anything Indian.

It was Easter Sunday, April 15, 1979. I was 13 years old. It was night time, and since it was a holiday we didn't have our regular study hour. Instead, it was free time and the study hall had music playing and girls socializing. Gina Gulati and I were having a very philosophical discussion, about infinity, God, etc. We stepped outside the study hall to the veranda. I told Gina, “I wonder if there is a state of mind without thoughts”. It was an interesting thought! So standing on the veranda, we proceeded to the experimentation of eliminating all our thoughts. Yes, we were thirteen! Out in the distance were the shadows of the hills and glimmering lights from homes here and there. I decided to focus on one of those lights while observing my thoughts and focusing on the gap between the thoughts. Initially the thoughts were quite loud and obvious. Slowly the thoughts became more subtle. There were thoughts about thoughts, “Ah! That was a thought”. Then came just an observation of the subtlest thoughts. Finally, there was only one thought; the last thought was “I”.
And then, suddenly all the music playing inside sucked into my ears, so did my vision, and everything went blank.

And what seemed like a moment later, I felt Gina tapping me on my shoulder. She told me that it's time to head to the dorms. “But”, I said, “We just came!” “No”, she said, “An hour has passed”. It felt like a blink of an eye.  I was just standing there, still blanked out and very still. Many years later I realized and was told that I had gone into Samadhi, a deep state of meditation.


So we started walking down from the veranda onto the gravel towards the bathrooms before we went up to the dorms. I was walking beside Gina. The moon was behind us and our shadows in front. A bright light circled my shadow and my shadow disappeared. Then slowly the shadow came back. Gina stopped walking, stunned. I seemed unperturbed and consoled her, not remembering what I told her, though she looked at me aghast! Gina was still shaking but we had to continue walking to the maxes, and then to the dorms. In the dorm we went into a corner and she asked me what's going on! It was a bit too much for her, “Shouldn’t we tell Sister?” she asked. I said, “No need.” I was fine, in fact in bliss, and felt like I was just observing everything, even my own body, from a very aloof state. I had no retention of thought, everything was just flowing through me, and I felt like a hollow bamboo. It seemed as though someone was talking through me and I told Gina, “I have become a preacher now.” That made Gina freak out even more so I stopped talking, and then she couldn’t take it anymore so she left quite disturbed.

This state continued for several weeks or months, I can’t quite remember. It was like witnessing everything as a movie or a dream. I could tell what people were thinking. I felt enormous power and felt I could even fly if I wanted to. Well perhaps that wouldn’t be a good idea but I experimented a little bit to see if it was true. We were practicing for Sports Day and in the upper field I threw a shot-put and it flew across many feet. The girls who were sitting and watching on the hillside got up amazed and shocked. I decided I better keep a low profile. Perhaps some amount of my mind was still there because I couldn’t understand what was happening with me and didn't know what to do, I had no Guru, no guidance, and I was very young. I felt alone and no one would understand me, nor could I talk to anyone about what I was experiencing.
I decided that I had to renounce that state and go back to being a "normal" thirteen-year-old girl. This was a bad choice, I wish I had not left that state.

Till today I don’t quite know what that light was that came and made my shadow disappear. I have some theories and clairvoyants have given different explanations. Sal Rachele (a clairvoyant) told me that it was Jesus Christ (Sananda) who gave me a visitation to trigger the spiritual awakening in this life. Jesus has a very strong presence in my life even today. There must be a connection.

From the time this event happened, I used to sit up in bed at night and meditate. Sometimes I used to look at the painting of Jesus on the wall of the dorm at night and imagine myself in His lap as a child. It was a very comforting, loving feeling. I never had any method or initiation into meditation at that time, it used to just happen spontaneously. Remember I was thirteen, so still quite pristine, the veil was thin, I was innocent, and the layers of conditioning and mud hadn’t accumulated yet. I often say that I was more evolved when I was younger. I was in a natural state of dispassion, of bliss, of witness-hood.

Sports Day was held each summer and this was my first year. I was a sprinter in the 100 and 200-meter races and I ran for the Red House. There were four houses for sports competitions. I loved sports and loved being fast. I remember learning how to march, and one day our vice-captain, Sunita Rana, pulled me aside to instruct me on how to march correctly. She is from Nepal, a beautiful angelic soul, very graceful, and charming. Someone asked her if we were sisters and I was rather flattered! She was one of my role models in Ramnee. In one of the following years, Sunita played Eliza Dolittle in our school’s stage adaptation of ‘Pygmalion’. This is a play by George Bernard Shaw, and Gina Gulati played the protagonist, Henry Higgins. I remember the last conversations I had with Sunita was at the railway station when we were heading home for the holidays.

After sports day came the mid-terms. As I was struggling in school because of the change in curriculum from Africa, I used to sit on my desk in the study hall during our free time. Anuradha Saluja (Anu) used to see me in distress, and out of the kindness of her heart, she approached me one day to help me out. She is a happy, friendly person, and a very dear soul. Over the course of that year we became best friends. In the years to follow a very deep and long friendship developed that extended to both our families and continues till today. Her cousin, Ruchi Saluja, also studied at Ramnee and was in the same class as us. My friendship with Ruchi also grew over the years and we have shared our lives to this day.

During adolescence one needs guidance, there is so much going on in that teenage brain that leads to confusion. My class teacher was Ms. Rebecca Flynn, and I was very fond of her. She was from the Nainital hills; a quiet, reserved and wise person. I used to talk to her often after class and ask her so many questions. She was so kind to nurture me at that tender age and was a big influence in my life. I think our whole class liked her very much. I kept in touch with her for many years after I left Ramnee. I wish I could find out where she is now.

Our school year was from March to November. Nainital, being in the foothills of the Himalayas, gets snowed, so we went home for the winter months. In the first year itself I developed a closeness with Ramnee, a belongingness, and developed good friends. It was boring to go home. I didn’t have many friends in Luanshya. Anu and I used to write long letters to each other almost daily, and my parents used to wonder how we could have so much to say every day!

It was so wonderful going back to Ramnee after the vacations. Again, it was very much like the Harry Potter movies. We used to climb into the trains from our hometowns, with our hold-alls and trunks, head to Kathgodam, the last train stop at the base of the hills, before the trudge up the winding hilly road to our destination, Nainital.

There are many memories from Nainital; the horrible food, the ghost stories, the nuns like Sister Jos – who’s an emblem of Ramnee. We always remember the rules we broke, like reading under the blanket with a flashlight. Or when we used to eat food someone brought from home, in the maxes at night and then get caught. The earthquake one year was quite eventful and scary. The ghost stories were the best. Some brave girls went to the graveyard one night after our annual fall play. This night was the start of our Dussera and Diwali holidays, so there was generally a lot of activity, with parents taking their kids home, and the nuns getting busy, so it lends an opportunity to sneak out and do some mischief.  I don’t think they saw any ghosts, it was pretty freaky though. I know this may sound a little chilling but I will narrate it anyway. Fast forward to now - I had taken a past life regression session some years ago, and in that session I saw myself as a nun, which came with a knowing that I was a nun in Ramnee. I didn’t remember her name but have a feeling that this is one of the reasons I went back to Ramnee in this life. What is eerie is that I must have died in Ramnee and my grave is still there.

I decided to leave Ramnee after class 10, and so did Anu. There was a long lapse between the time I left Ramnee and when I re-established contact with my friends from Ramnee. With the advent of Facebook and WhatsApp, we recently got in touch with each other again, and what fun it is to regress to the teenagers we once were in Ramnee!

Back in Zambia, I started preparing for my British ‘O’ Level exams and my father applied for junior college ‘A’ Levels for me in what was then Rhodesia. What happened then is that the independence war broke out in Rhodesia and plans had to be changed. I continued with my ‘O’ Levels that year and started considering going to an International School in India, after which I would go to college in England. Soon after I came back to Zambia my brother, Shagun Dubey, left for the UK to pursue his ‘A’ levels.

My mother was a Satya Sai Baba devotee and we used to go to Ndola on Sundays for the Bhajan Satsang (Kirtan). They were really mesmerizing. There were numerous reports of Baba’s vibhuti (ash) manifesting in Baba’s photos, along with other miracles of healing, visions, and so on. I used to love the energy of the Satsangs, used to get a high from the singing, so I went with my mother. In one of the Satsangs, towards the end, I saw a subtle form of Sai Baba emerge from the stage and walk down the aisle while blessings people on both sides of the aisle with his right hand. It’s very interesting, that never in my life, have I ever been startled, scared, or shocked. I usually go into a higher state of consciousness, and just witness what is going on, with an inner knowing. There is no questioning or thinking, just a ‘being’.

During the fall of that same year, 1981, I went back to India to visit some International Schools with the help of Amma and Baa. After a few months in Kanpur with them, I heard from my father that he had applied for admission to a US college and that I needed to come back to Zambia to take the entrance exams. I was quite taken aback because I didn’t want to go to America. I didn’t hold the US in high esteem in terms of moral values and argued with my dad that I didn’t want to go there. I don’t remember the conversation, but at that point there weren’t too many choices for me. I didn’t want to go to the UK either because, after reading Indian history and how the British had exploited India, I had developed a dislike for them.

So it was decided that I would go to the US for college. I remember crying at night and asking God why He was sending me to such a place. I really wanted to stay in India but nothing was working out. I prayed to Krishn and Shirdi Baba. I remember connecting with Shirdi baba eye to eye when I saw his photo and him coming alive. What is interesting is that he did. I started my journey back to Zambia with a train trip from Kanpur to Delhi. We were at the Kanpur train station. Baa and his personal assistant, Satish, left the car to go and find a coolie and reconfirm the reservation. I was alone in the back seat of the car. Just then a fakir popped through the front door window wearing dirty old white clothes, a white bandana on his head, and holding a stick in his hand. This time I was taken aback! He started saying things and I was a little scared and shocked so I didn’t register everything he said. I thought he was a beggar and would ask for money. What he said was rather amazing. He spoke in Hindi and said something to the effect of…don’t worry I am always with you wherever you may go, you will be fine and my blessings are with you…and other things I don’t remember. Then he took his head out and I was still in a daze. I looked out of my window and couldn’t see where he went. It was much later that I realized that this person was perhaps Shirdi baba who came to console me because I was deeply troubled about going to America. 

I started at State University of New York (SUNY), Plattsburg, in August of 1983. My father’s class fellow from medical school lived here and became my local guardian. I was a foreign student and made friends with several other foreign students from Asia. There was one person in my psychology class, Ken Cavanaugh, who also became a friend. Ken was a born again Christian and was part of an Evangelical group in college. I somehow got involved in that group and often went to their congregations, attended church and their assemblies in various places. There was a boy, Jonathan, with long curly hair who played the guitar well and sang. I used to also feel so much devotion in their company and loved Jesus as much as they did. I remember my favorite Christian song then was Psalm 23, “The Lord is my Shepherd”, sung by Keith Green. I read the Bible and loved Revelations, as I like mystical knowledge. The teachings of the Bible resonated naturally with me. I remember feeling the immense love of Jesus while immersed in this Evangelical community. They somehow thought I would convert! Well, I tried explaining to them that as a Hindu I am free to accept wisdom from all sources and free to love Jesus as an Avatar of God. I don’t need to convert for this. Ken, however, believed that physical conversion was still needed to save one’s soul and not converting to Christianity would result in going to hell. The only concept that didn’t sit well with me is when they kept saying we are sinners and Jesus died to redeem us from our sins. Hinduism always says that we are Brahman, a spark of the divine, and innately positive, not sinners. Our Karm and our conditioning covers this divine aspect of ourselves. The concept that each one is equally God didn’t sit well with them, nor did they understand the principle of enlightenment. So there were some differences between the current day Christianity and my Hindu beliefs, but what was common was devotion; it was the same phenomenon for them and me. Loving others and loving God is common in all faiths.

In my second year of college, I moved into an apartment with a Pakistani friend, Shireen Burki. Her father was from a known family in Pakistan and her mother was Irish. She was quite free spirited but a private person. We shared many spiritual conversations. I remember sometimes while talking to her on spiritual subjects, answers and knowledge would just flow through me, things I didn’t know and learned as I spoke. Sometimes even my voice would change as though someone else was speaking through me. I used to feel scared and would stop it. This experience of knowledge flowing through me and a higher force speaking through me continued, and I have always shut it down when it starts arising. Shireen also shared her understanding of Islam with me. One Ramadan I fasted the whole month even though she kept it only a few days.

My location guardian in Plattsburgh, Dr. Gulati, had a niece also studying in the same university. She became good friends with me and we used to work together in the computer lab. She was a senior and had recently got engaged. Her fiancĂ© was a Sai Baba devotee. One weekend we were both working in the lab and were talking about Sai Baba. Suddenly I smelt the scent of vibhuti coming from my hands. I also felt something flowing from my hands. On a closer look I saw vibhuti coming from my hands. I wiped my hands on a cloth and more vibhuti kept flowing from my hands. It wouldn’t stop! My friend was so shocked and perplexed that she called her fiancĂ© to ask what to do. She had me speak to him as well. Finally I closed my eyes and consciously made an intention to have this stop. And it did. Phew!

The following year I moved in with some Malaysian girls. They were quiet, shy, well-mannered, gentle, simple, humble, innocent and religious Muslims. One of them, Ada, became my best friend. I started reading the Holy Quran and learning about Islam from them. I also learned the Namaz from Ada and learned the first Surah by heart.

One semester I took a course in Comparative Religions and loved it. This was truly my calling, seeing the commonness amongst all wisdom traditions. After class, some of us used to have conversations on the different religions, and I remember emphasizing the spiritual aspects of each. During my free time, I used to love spending time in the library reading books by various spiritual masters, Swami Vivekananda being my favorite. I could relate to all the deeper aspects of consciousness through an inner remembering. The realization happened as I read the words that had flowed from the higher consciousness of these spiritual masters.

Another semester I had taken a course in philosophy and religious studies in which I did a lot of research on the changing versions of the Bible from the Aramaic to Hebrew, Greek, Roman and then English. I had long conversations with my professor who asked me to write to a library in London that stored the research by Isaac Newton on the Bible. I discovered the amazing studies Newton did on the Bible, especially on the Apocalypse, which was also of great interest to me. His research proved that the Greek version of the Bible was corrupted to introduce the Trinity (John 5:7) and altering the stature of Jesus from man to God (1 Timothy 3:16). Newton kept this a secret because it would be considered blasphemy. This research was published as “A Historical Account of Two Notable Corruptions of Scripture” about 25 years after Newton died. Isaac Newton was a member of a secret society known as the Priory of Sion; he left behind a trove of amazing manuscripts on the occult studies of the Bible that he shared with no one and were discovered after his death. This was the start of my interest in the occult, the secrets held by a few that revealed the hidden truths.

One of my favorite courses in college was on the Art and Architecture of India. I love temples in general and especially south Indian temples. There were so many amazing facts about these temples such as the science and mathematics behind the Vastu Shastra – the ancient Vedic knowledge on architecture. After taking this course I traveled to India during the summer and went on a tour of South India with Amma and Baa, and visited several ancient temples there.

The last summer of college I went to the extension of the Sringeri Shankaracharya Peetham in Pennsylvania. I was a counselor for a group of children during their summer camp. We also learned many Vedic chants, rituals, and knowledge. I learned the complete Vedic puja ritual and was in charge of the Ganesh temple. I had to do the sunrise and sunset prayer ritual daily and loved it. The main temple deity was Sri Rajarajeshwari. Each Peetham has five deities; Guru, Ganesh, Lakshmi-Narayan, Shiv-Shakti, and Saraswati. The main temple had a statue of Sri Krishn and I used to sit next to him. One day, as I was leaving the hall after a session, I was overcome with an intense attraction and calling from Sri Rajarajeshwari. I turned around and looked at her and she seemed alive and very powerful. I ran to her, dropped to my knee, and started crying profusely. I was overcome with intense feelings of longing, devotion, and gratitude, all at the same time. A part of me was still wondering what was happening to me, but the greater part of me had surrendered. There were only a few in the hall, mainly Swamis, who fell into silence and whispered to leave me alone. That night I dreamt of an Indian woman in a red sari, with gold ornaments, dancing. Perhaps that was a darshan of the Divine Mother.

There was a Swami there who used to channel a group of beings called, “The Circle of Seven.” Several people went to him for a reading but I wasn’t interested, and a bit scared too. The head Swami insisted that I have a session so I went. It was a strange experience of hearing the Swami’s voice change and hearing other entities speak through him. I asked them what happened to me when I was thirteen. After a long pause, they told me that it was a state of perfection that I had invoked. They went on to tell me that I had a deep love for Krishn (which I did not tell them), that I would marry soon, and that they would talk to me after many years once some Karma was done. They told me several other things about my nature and gave guidance on what I should work on.

After I graduated from college I went back to live with Amma and Baa in Kanpur and worked at IIT, Kanpur. I got married a year and a half later in Kanpur. After I got married we then moved to the US where he was working as an IT consultant. Over the years we had two lovely sons, both born in Chicago. I was fully ingrained in worldly life and social engagements. Some in-laws also lived close to us in Chicago. Certain negative influences affected our marital relationship. The Chicago years were probably the worst time of my life. After nine years in Chicago, we moved to the San Francisco bay area, and I was relieved though the detrimental factors continued to affect my marriage.

In 1999, I heard about the Art of Living Foundation’s spiritual course from a friend, Madhu Dhillon. She explained it to be a course in which one learns breathing techniques. At that time I was looking for some meditation courses, spiritual communities, and higher knowledge. I thought this to be an entry level course and suggested to someone in my family that he take it, which he did. After seeing the transformation in him, I decided to take it shortly thereafter. So I took my first Art of Living course in September 1999 in Milpitas, CA. The technique taught in the course is quite powerful and I also liked the knowledge they shared. I was on a fast track after that, taking the advanced course and enrolling in knowledge sessions to learn some ancient Vedic texts. I went for the Guru Purnima celebrations in 2000 and that’s when I first met Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. There were not that many people at the time, and access to him was much easier. Over the years I became very active in the Art of Living Foundation, organizing courses, events, getting involved in service activities and programs, and eventually getting trained as a teacher and teaching. I had several personal experiences with Sri Sri, some of them profound. My formal initiation into meditation was given by a senior Art of Living teacher, Philip Fraser. This is an ancient Vedic tradition whereby the teacher gives the student the blessing and technique to meditate. There are different techniques, the one that Art of Living follows is based in the Shakti tradition, whereby a ‘Beej’ (seed) Mantra is given. It’s quite fascinating how a Mantra is chosen for a student. This Mantra is kept secret by the student to retain its power. When Philip initiated me, he gave me some instructions on meditation and then observed me meditate over three days. As I had been meditating since I was a teenager using my own modality, using this new method was an effort. Philip observed that I was not transcending the mind, as my mind was still making the subtle effort to take the mantra and follow the instructions. So on the second day I decided to go back to my own practice and meditate. This time I went very deep and he noticed it. I told him that I just did what I’ve been doing since I was young. I also told him that many times while I’ve meditated, as my thought go to null, my mind blanks, and also my breath arrests. And then when I come back to consciousness, as my mind starts getting thoughts, my breath returns. He said that the breath can’t stop, perhaps it becomes very subtle, but I was quite sure, that during that span of time when I was “gone”, there was no thoughts, or breath.
In addition to the meditation course, I took many other courses in the Art of Living, and during the Art of Living courses I had many transformational experiences. I had also taken the past life regression, which is a Yogic method to remove past life impressions, and I did see some past lives, one in particular. It was a very powerful experience for me that brought up a deep wound, and released it. I also had an out of body experience, and felt the presence and grace of Guruji during and after the process. He is my Guru and I have learned much from him. Guruji has done a tremendous amount in uplifting millions of people around the globe; it has brought them in touch with their own divinity, made them more spiritual, and helped them heal and evolve.

From the time I was a teenager I had a deep yearning to realize the truth, and read several texts of Vedic knowledge with commentaries from great luminaries like Swami Vivekananda. I wanted to do a deep dive into the study of Shastras (Vedic texts) and so I embarked on a study of the Bhagavad Gita and Upanishads through Chinmaya Mission, San Jose, CA. The local Swamiji here, Swami Prabodhananda, was brilliant and I was truly blessed to learn from him. I also got several DVDs with commentaries by Swami Chinmayananda and Swami Tejomayananda (the current head of Chinmaya Mission) on various texts. There were times I was studying two or three texts in one day simultaneously. The knowledge came very naturally and easily to me, so it wasn’t a strain. It powered in like a deluge in a short span of two years. For me, there is an inner awakening, realization, recognition, opening up and enlivening, as I read. It’s not a mere academic or theoretical exercise. Many people study so much and it becomes an intellectual gain alone. Then it’s not knowledge or wisdom, it’s simply information. My purpose is to awaken, so in everything I am seeking to realize the ultimate truth. After this period of learning and realization is when I wrote my first book, “Eternal Way to Bliss”.

In December 2012, my marriage separation began, though not initiated by me. There were many threats before but now it was serious. In January of 2013, I spoke to a medium, Kevin Ryerson, who channeled several beings including an ancient Egyptian temple priest, Ahtun Re. I asked about my marriage, and he said that it would end in about two years when my younger son is off to college, and that’s exactly what happened. He also told me that it would be for my good, as the Karmic balance would close and a better part of my life would begin, which he described. I had also asked about a previous life of which I had many visions and had also seen in an Art of Living past life regression. I felt I was reliving that life, that it was the same spouse and in-laws. He did confirm this. I value the insights he gave me on my soul path, my life purpose and the role I play in creation. The ability to raise people’s consciousness through meditation on sacred sounds is something other clairvoyants also mentioned independently. 2013-2014 were transition years of my life into a new phase. I had also brought my mother here to live with us because she couldn’t manage alone after my father’s passing. The grace of the divine was to plan to have my mother here with her unconditional loving support as I moved through the most difficult phase of my life – marital separation.

I felt such a relief after our separation, like a bird that had been freed from a cage, as free as the breeze blows. For others it was a tragedy and for me a blessing in disguise. It was also a lesson to love and accept myself as I am, and to have self-worth.

Vinita 2.0

After September of 2014, I felt a new chapter of my life open up. New knowledge started descending on me and coming at me from all directions like a deluge, a crash course to prepare me for the next phase of my life ahead. I had been told by Ahtun Re and my Shaman that my role in creation was to serve others by raising their consciousness through sound vibrations. So I delved into learning about this area. It was like diving into a deep and vast ocean; the knowledge was so fascinating that I could not stop devouring more and more. I have written about some of my findings at the end of the chapter on “Anjali – A divine offering”. I learned that most ancient spiritual traditions and cultures had a common theme regarding sound vibrations and it’s manifestation in sacred geometry. I have the advantage of knowing the Vedic knowledge and could bridge what these new scientific findings say with the ancient Vedic knowledge. There are far too many deep secrets that are revealed to the soul appropriately at each stage of evolution to the soul – the knowledge is never ending.

In one of the videos I was watching by Gregg Braden on vibrations, there was another completely unrelated section inserted. Suddenly it started talking about “The Pleiadian Message” channeled by Barbara Marciniak, regarding the awakening about to happen and the transition to a new golden age. The message was so profound that I could not fathom it at first, and initially I thought it was a science fiction video. Then I went back over it pausing, and repeating, till I could absorb the whole message. It took me a few days to wake up to the fact that this was a message from alien beings channeled by a human. What was astounding is that it rang so true within, as though I knew it deep within, and it was like an awakening from amnesia.

We all have had this experience when we hear words of wisdom, we recognize them within, as if remembering from a forgotten state. This message talked about the vast races that exist in the universe and about the history of the humans on this planet. These beings from the Pleiades star system had been instrumental in the civilization on Earth in our ancient past and had come back to be a catalyst for our awakening. Most importantly they spoke about how we had dropped from our divine state into the darkness of ignorance, and this was done by a dark alien species. These negative alien beings controlled most of the rich and powerful people on the earth and ran their agenda from backstage. They also controlled us through psychological means via media, technology, consumerism, and addictions. It was like the movie Matrix. They said now there is a divine intervention to take us into an inevitable new age. A new dawn is coming to our planet with rapid changes and incredible transformations, and we are the family of light beings who volunteered for this mission to come to this planet and assist humanity through this transition.

I began reading about the Pleiadians, and other beings and my search opened me up to another world of beings, dimensions, and the coming of a new age. I found a huge community of people who wrote and discussed this across the globe. All this was as though it was held from me till now, and it was time that I step into it. Now I find more people being exposed to this with the internet carrying everyone together in a collective wave. These writings connected the ancient past of the earth with the present and future. The history of the universe and earth that I read from channeled messages was quite different from that in our history books. Lemuria, Atlantis, ancient Egypt, Greece, Bharat (India), were all civilizations of highly evolved beings from other star systems. There were many star races that engineered the DNA of the native human race.

In one of my searches, I found a chapter of Sal Rachele’s book online. As soon as I started reading it, there was instant resonance with me. I started reading the book from the start and was glued to it till I finished it. It is his book titled, “Earth Changes and 2012”. I went to his website and signed up for a personal session with Sal. I had so many questions to find out who I am, what my life purpose is, about my past, present and future. It was a fascinating session to say the least. He saw people and things so clearly, without any way for him to know. It was also very helpful and beneficial for me to know the cause of things, to understand situations, people, how to handle situations and guidance on what to do. I had several sessions with him every few months when I wanted to get the true picture of people and situations because I can’t see the truth behind things yet. Clairvoyance is a gift everyone has, and will come naturally as the soul progresses.

After several months of reading and experiencing many phenomenal things, I found many personalities as the leaders of the new age. There were many conspiracy theories as well. I do not want to get into the details here, but the essence of it was to transform the world that has about seventy-five percent negativity, conflict, competition, and control, to a new higher vibrational positive earth, that is based on and imbibes compassion, cooperation, wisdom and conscious communities. The central theme of the new age message is that most people on earth are solely focused on physical, material aspects that are the three-dimensional reality (3D). Some of these souls would progress towards the fourth dimension (4D), which examines the mind, feelings, and the spiritual aspects of existence. Perhaps twenty-five percent of humanity is already in 4D. A very small percentage would move into the fifth dimension, which is the dimension of light and love. This would be a spiritual ascension, and the soul would transcend the cycle of rebirth.

Relating the Vedic to the New Age

During my readings, I had to relate the new age terminology to the Vedic terminology. When we are familiar with one culture, tradition, or set of terminology we often don't recognize the corresponding term in another and therefore can't relate, or think it's different.
When we are able to find the relationship between definitions then suddenly we realize a lot of commonalities between the ancient, the new, the scientific and the spiritual. It somehow confirms that it must be the truth if so many for so long are saying the same thing.

In this age, we read spiritual terms in English. Then there are ancient terms in Vedic knowledge, in the Jewish Kabbalah, in the Egyptian culture, the Greek, Mayan, and so on. Then there are scientific terms which may correspond with a spiritual aspect.

The terms used in Western or new age spirituality include:
'Ascension', 'Dimensions', 'Beings', 'Extra-Terrestrials', 'Soul', 'Consciousness', and so on.

In Vedic terminology, 'lokhs' relates to 'dimensions'.
'Beings' and 'extra-terrestrials’ relate to the different beings mentioned in the Veds and Purans.

There are fourteen lokhs. Seven are lower or descending lokhs below the physical universe. The other seven higher lokhs include:
'Bhu' is the physical three-dimensional universe;
'Bhuvar' is the astral realm where souls that have passed on reside, and relates to the fourth dimension;
'Svar' or 'Dev' lokh is where the Devas and some Rishis reside. These Devi-Devatas (deities) are beings of light. 'Dev' means luminous one, or one who illumines. This lokh broadly relates to the fifth dimension.
In these three lokhs, souls recycle from birth to death, called the cycle of 'Samsar'.
Then there is 'Maha' (sixth dimension), 'Jana' (seventh dimension), 'Tapa' (eighth dimension), and highest 'Brahma/Satya' lokh (ninth dimension), all a part of creation, or greater reality. What we see as the physical universe is only the three-dimensional reality or 'Bhu' lokh.

All these lokhs are still in the sphere of creation, duality, or Maya. Brahman, the Ultimate Supreme Consciousness, transcends this. Time slows down and space expands as we move into higher lokhs or dimensions. These are not physical but subtle realms.

The 'extra-terrestrials’ and 'beings' I read about related to the many subtle forms of beings that are mentioned in the Vedic texts. These include the Devas, Asuras, Rishis, Siddhas, Kinnars, Yakshas, Gandharvas, Manas putras, Prajapatis, Kumaras, Avatars, and so on. In addition to these subtle forms, there may be physical forms of beings on other planets, like humans. We don't talk about it now in the Kali Yuga, but before the Kali Yuga other beings, dimensions, higher states of consciousness and special abilities such as telepathy, were common and normal.

Ancient Vedic texts talk about mind-born sons, or subtle thought forms, of Brahma-ji, the creator deity. Four of these are the Kumars; they never age. Their names are Sanat Kumar (who I believe also manifests as Maha-avatar Babaji), Sanandan (mentioned by several as the over-soul of Jesus), Sanak, and Sanatan, These mind-born sons of Brahma also include the seven original Rishis, also called Prajapatis, the creator beings. These were not physical forms but thought forms. These beings last as long as creation lasts. Then there are beings that are light forms, Devas. Many of these beings (including Rishis), came to earth and started the human civilization or mingled with humans for progeny; these stories are in Purans, Itihaas, eluded to in the old testament, the Egyptian books, and many other ancient texts. Some physical forms were also organically growing here. A lot of these Rishis, Devatas, Siddhas, Avatars, etc. are also capable of taking physical form, i.e., descent from higher dimensions into the third, earth dimension. That's why the Rishis and people of ancient civilizations were so advanced in their knowledge. There were far more evolved beings that descended here on Earth and built advanced communities and cultures. Some of the remnants of these ancient civilizations and knowledge can be found in the Vedas, Kabbalah, the Old Testament, the Egyptian civilization, and so on.

We are familiar with the blue skinned Avatars, Sri Ram and Sri Krishn. They were actually blue skinned and the texture was like that of the dolphins. Avatars are one of the highest evolved beings in the Vedic tradition, higher than Devatas. The Vedic texts also talk about several Nakshatras, the main star of a constellation. There are twenty-seven main Nakshatras, and one more, Abhijit, which is the star Vega. In the Gita, Bhagavan Sri Krishn says that among the Nakshatras I am Abhijit. Rudra, the Vedic deity of transformation and transcendence, is associated with Ardra Nakshatra, which is the star Betelgeuse, of the Orion constellation. The origins of the Indian race, I have heard, was seeded by beings from Vega/Lyra, and perhaps others including Sirius and Orion. The seven Rishis are the seven stars of Ursa Major. Could it be that these subtle light beings were from those stars?

The Vedic texts mention the gradual decline in civilization through the ages, called Yugas; this relates to the decline in knowledge, Dharma (natural law), dropping from higher states of consciousness, and removal of the light aspect. We are presently in the age of darkness (or ignorance), the Kali Yuga. In this Yuga, we are as though in deep slumber, the light has been shut out and because of the lack of light, dark forces are more dominant, such as anger, hatred, greed, and other negative emotions.

Many of us are reincarnations of those same highly evolved beings of the ancient world, the Rishis, Siddhas, Devatas, Avatars and other evolved beings. We have completely forgotten our true nature, we have lost our true history, so we think we are inferior beings struggling with darkness. Now we pray to Gods such as Sri Krishn and Sri Ram and worship the Rishis and Devatas as though they are separate from us, but they are part of our spiritual lineage. They are great highly evolved divine beings, our guardians, guides and spiritual masters. When consciousness awakens in us and we remember our true nature, then that is the Avatar consciousness in us or the Christ consciousness in us. We will remember our history and our connection with the greater universe, the oneness. There will be unity of consciousness among all beings. That consciousness within us is subtle light; it is a higher vibration than the lower vibration of matter. It is like the difference between water vapor and ice. So when this realization and awakening happens in us, there will only be light and, therefore, no darkness. This is like remembering, and going back to what we really are. This is the return of the Satya Yuga, the age of truth and purity, as the Yugas are circular.

The new age material talks about the coming of...a new age! This would be assisted by certain galactic waves of high vibration energy. At the present time, a lot of people will evolve to the fourth dimension and become more spiritual. Many are already in the fourth dimension/density prior to this 'shift' into the new age. I have read a lot about 'Ascension', referring to the evolution of a small percentage of people from the fourth dimension to the fifth dimension of love and light; this is the spiritual ascension. For some this would also be followed by a physical ascension, that is, going from carbon-based body cells to silicon based body cells that can conduct light, and becoming a 'being of light' - the next evolutionary species. The Dev roop or light being form is of the Svar/dev lokh.

New age masters also talk about Gaia (earth) transitioning from the third dimension to the fourth/fifth dimension.

The concept of "Moksha" is liberation from the cycle of birth and death, transcending duality into a realization of Oneness, and merging back to Brahman (eternal universal consciousness).
The ascension spiral is the evolutionary path of a soul through the various dimensions back to the Source. Ascension at the current time means evolving to the fifth dimension, spiritually and physically, as discussed earlier. This means going beyond the cycle of birth and death, to the realization of Oneness, and in terms of physical enlightenment, having an immortal light body. There are many variations this basic core new age message.

We live in exciting times. Let see where destiny is leading us!
It's a beautiful endless journey in eternity and infinity. We are like one spec of a fractal, an exact replica of the whole that replicates itself infinitely.

My journey continues to unfold. A passage that lights up as the fog clears, step by step. My soul is in the driver’s seat; the ego serves the soul. The soul is treading the path it chose, the mind simply watches. It is like a template that is being activated.
May I be who I truly am – an unlimited, infinite, ray of the Supreme.
I am here for a purpose at this time. May I fulfill my purpose. I am here to serve and love unconditionally. Challenges still remain, perhaps as an opportunity to evolve.



1 comment:

  1. The experience looses the intensity as we try to verbalize it through words and symbols of diffrent cultures and different domains. Realty is as it appears to you or as it is?

    ReplyDelete